I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
