it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
