piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
