he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
