Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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