Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
