so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Randomize
