trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
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