Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
