I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
