Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
