Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
