so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
