Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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