And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
