took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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