I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
This house was built for laser tag.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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