There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
