just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
