:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
