Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
