fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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