am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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