so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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