I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
All I want is dick and wine.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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