I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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