be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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