So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
