Grow some girl-balls and come out already
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
