im about as happy as oj after his trial
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
