I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
it was like eating out sand paper
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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