we're chasing vodka with high fives
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
