I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
