Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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