what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
