I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
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