Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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