i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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