I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
