when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Randomize
