Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
