he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
