We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
