Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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