she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
