i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
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