Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
