My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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