i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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