she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
