watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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