No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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