My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
