shes about as inviting as chlamydia
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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